Emotional Distress: The Warning Lights of Well-Being

Imagine driving down the road when suddenly, a warning light on your car's dashboard flickers to life. It's an unsettling sight, signaling that something within the vehicle isn't functioning as it should.

What do you do? Most sensible people will take note of the warning, verify its meaning, and take appropriate action to address the issue as soon as possible. 

Some warning signs are especially troubling - the check engine light is often one for great concern. Others are important, but not necessarily catastrophic, like the low fuel sign which is only problematic if you don’t take care to fill up before you run out of gas. But no matter how alarming the warning sign might be, most will agree that ignoring these warnings could lead to serious problems down the line and are something to be taken seriously. 

These warning lights are, in essence, your car’s distress signals – a system that alerts you to important issues that need attention – with the clear message that if these warnings aren’t addressed, there will likely be problematic consequences. This system is very helpful and has likely saved many people, possibly even yourself, from the significant challenges of having a broken down car. 

Wouldn’t it be nice if all areas of our lives provided such a helpful feedback system? Fortunately, many parts of our life do. Plants wilt if they don’t receive adequate water or sunlight. Dogs whine and scratch at the door when they need to go out. Babies cry for food, fresh diapers, or comfort. Nature is full of cues that let us know when something requires attention and care. Our bodies and minds are no exception.

Just as a warning light in your car indicates a mechanical issue, pain and discomfort is what serves as a vital feedback system that something is amiss with our bodies. A sore throat, for instance, isn't just an annoyance; it's a signal from your body that something is wrong, requiring you to take action, whether it's resting, hydrating, or seeing a doctor.

As unpleasant as these experiences are, they’re vitally important to our survival. Some people live with a rare condition called congenital insensitivity to pain. This is a genetic disorder where individuals have literally no sensory perceptions of pain. And for those who have it, it is a truly devastating condition where people grow up with many devastating injuries because they aren’t able to tune into the body’s natural distress system of pain to warn them of the dangers of the physical world. Being able to experience discomfort is absolutely vital, especially since it’s such a powerful force indicating we’re in some kind of distress.

Emotional distress signals function in the same way. Emotional pain and discomfort are the warning lights on the dashboard of our mental well-being, indicating that something in our lives is out of order. When we experience anxiety, depression, or other forms of emotional discomfort, it’s our mind’s way of telling us that we're experiencing problematic issues that must be addressed. Much like physical ailments, emotional distress is a clear indication that we need to reassess and realign something in our lives.

The Origins of Distress

Disease, in its simplest form, can be understood as a “deviation from a healthy path” which essentially means a breakdown of homeostasis – “from the Greek words for "same" and "steady." Homeostasis refers to any process that living things use to actively maintain fairly stable conditions necessary for survival. Our bodies strive to maintain a balanced internal state where all systems function optimally.

When we are in homeostasis we are by definition on our healthy path and free of disease. When we are not maintaining homeostasis, we are therefore at risk of becoming “diseased”, either in the conceptual sense or in the true medical sense, which is usually the inevitable outcome of an on-going lack of homeostasis.

Emotional distress is an indication of homeostatic imbalance. It's the opposite of a balanced internal state and serves as crucial data about our current situation. When we feel overwhelmed, anxious, or depressed, our bodies are telling us that something in our lives is amiss. 

Emotional distress may stem from external or internal factors. Understanding these distinctions helps us grasp why distress arises and how we can effectively address it.

External factors that cause distress are situations and events in our lives that are challenging or troubling. These may include things like job loss, financial difficulties, relationship problems, health issues, and other significant life hurdles. These challenges are tangible and often universally recognized as stressors.

However, the impact of these external factors can vary widely among individuals. Some people might navigate significant hardships with remarkable resilience, while others might find even minor setbacks overwhelmingly distressing. This variability highlights the complex interplay between our external circumstances and our internal responses.

Internal factors involve our perceptions, thoughts, and emotional responses to the situations we encounter. It's not always the situation itself that causes distress but how we interpret and react to it. For instance, two people might face the same stressful event—such as a conflict with a partner—but experience it very differently based on their internal responses.

Often, life circumstances don't directly correlate with the level of emotional distress experienced. It's possible for individuals with seemingly “good” or "easy" lives to suffer significant emotional distress, while those facing "hard" lives might maintain emotional stability. This discrepancy is often due to the internal factors at play—our mindset, history of emotional challenges, and emotional fitness.

A significant source of internal distress for many people is rooted in early childhood trauma related to insufficient nurturing. These early experiences shape our sense of self-worth and our ability to cope with rejection and failure. When children do not receive adequate nurturing, they may develop a low sense of self-worth, leading to persistent feelings of inadequacy, fear of rejection, and an overall unease regarding their very existence in the world. This foundational trauma can create deep-seated emotional responses that persist into adulthood, influencing how individuals perceive and react to various situations.

A common issue in these instances is when emotional distress is disproportionate to the actual situation. Genuine challenges do exist, and they can undoubtedly be stressful. However, it's not uncommon for someone’s level of distress to exceed what the situation warrants. This disproportionate response will invariably be influenced by past experiences related to unresolved trauma that develop into negative thought patterns.

For example, a person with a history of childhood neglect might react with intense anxiety to minor criticisms at work. This reaction is not just about the criticism itself but is amplified by deep-rooted fears of rejection and inadequacy stemming from their early experiences. Similarly, someone who experienced significant trauma in childhood might feel everyday challenges are insurmountable due to an ingrained belief in their own inadequacy.

The Pain of Living With Emotional Distress
Emotional distress is more than just an uncomfortable feeling; it can profoundly impact every aspect of a person’s life and can result in truly problematic health and wellness issues. 

One issue with emotional distress is that it can severely impair decision-making by affecting the brain's prefrontal cortex, which is responsible for rational thought, planning, and impulse control. When a person is under significant emotional strain, the prefrontal cortex often goes "offline," and the more reactionary parts of the brain, such as the amygdala, take over. This shift can lead to impulsive, irrational decisions driven by fear, anxiety, or anger rather than reasoned judgment. The loss of clear thinking makes it difficult for individuals to navigate their lives effectively and exacerbates their distress.

Along with this impaired judgment and lack of self-control, people often experience chronic mental wellness issues that affect their entire outlook on life, most commonly anxiety and depression. 

Anxiety is characterized by an intense negative preoccupation with the future. It manifests as persistent worry about potential threats, uncertainties, and what might go wrong. This future-oriented mindset keeps individuals in a state of constant vigilance and tension. The anticipation of future problems creates a cycle of stress that is hard to break.

Depression, on the other hand, is commonly rooted in the past, especially for those with childhood trauma. Individuals suffering from depression often dwell on previous mistakes, losses, and regrets. Depression  leads to feelings of hopelessness, sadness, and worthlessness. The heavy burden of these thoughts saps energy and motivation, making it difficult to engage with today’s reality or look forward to the future.

The primary issue with both anxiety and depression is that they significantly detract from our ability to focus on the present. When consumed by worries about the future or regrets from  the past, people miss out on current  experiences and opportunities. This disconnection can exacerbate feelings of dissatisfaction and discontent, creating a vicious cycle of emotional distress.

While labels like anxiety and depression can be helpful for understanding the nature of someone’s distress, they ultimately don’t provide much utility when it comes to alleviating it. These labels describe the symptoms but do not capture the underlying causes. As we’ve discussed, emotional distress is our body’s warning system and the pain we feel is not necessarily due to the external factors at play, but also the internal distress of how we perceive those factors. For many, it’s tied to that existential unease that skews our responses and perceptions of our experience.

To create real, lasting change, it is therefore essential to look beyond these labels and symptoms and focus on the core issues driving the distress. Addressing the symptoms alone can lead to temporary relief at best. However, addressing the core issue is crucial because it gets to the heart of the problem based in one’s internal turmoil.

These underlying issues will continue to fuel emotional distress until they are properly addressed. Ignoring these core issues is akin to treating only the symptoms of a disease without addressing the disease itself. While the immediate discomfort might be alleviated, the root cause remains, ready to trigger distress again at any moment. By focusing on the underlying pain or trauma, individuals can begin to heal from the inside out, leading to more sustainable and profound improvements in their overall emotional well-being.

The Coping Mechanism Trap
Unfortunately for most people, techniques for addressing the root causes of their emotional distress are either not known or not prioritized. So in most instances, people turn to coping mechanisms to manage their emotional pain. These act like painkillers, providing temporary relief from distress but unfortunately failing to address the underlying causes.

Coping mechanisms come in all sorts of forms. Some people lean on performative tactics to make themselves feel better about themselves through external measures of value - popularity, beauty, status, money, etc. This can lead people into toxic patterns of perfectionism and overexertion which then often leads to burn out, anxiety, and imposter syndrome due to the inability to achieve an unattainable and evermoving goalpost of “success”. 

Some people will lean into coping mechanisms that work on their biochemical systems such as pharmaceuticals, illicit substances, smoking, overeating, and other potentially harmful habits. While these strategies may offer short-term comfort, they can often create additional problems and become counterproductive over time.

It's important to understand that the use of any of these coping mechanisms is fundamentally driven by an intense need to overcome very real emotional pain. And the more intense the pain, the less discerning a person becomes in their search for relief. 

This becomes particularly challenging if someone wants to step away from harmful coping mechanisms, especially when it comes to overcoming addiction. Most recovery programs focus on absolute abstinence as the primary measure of success. While abstaining from harmful substances is certainly beneficial, many individuals struggle to succeed, particularly on their first attempt. This often leads to painful relapses, creating intense feelings of failure and worthlessness, which exacerbate the very distress they were trying to escape from with their substance use in the first place.

A more productive approach acknowledges that most people will relapse. So instead of viewing relapse as a personal failing, it's important to set individuals up for success by helping them bounce back without falling into despair. This allows them to regroup and recommit to their healing journey. Ultimately, it’s important to not demonize the use of coping mechanisms, since these are simply a way of managing overwhelming distress. By focusing instead on the root causes of emotional pain, individuals can overcome their distress. As the underlying issues are resolved, the reliance on harmful coping mechanisms naturally diminishes.

The Importance Connecting to Your Emotions
Many individuals navigate life by ignoring or suppressing their feelings, believing this will make them stronger or more capable. However, without acknowledging their feelings, people miss vital signals from their body and mind that indicate when something is wrong. 

This suppression isn't necessarily done out of recklessness; often, it's because people simply don't know how to effectively overcome their distress. As a result, ignoring or numbing their emotions can seem like the most reasonable way to carry on with life. Some blunt their feelings through coping mechanisms or pharmaceuticals, while others strive to maintain an external appearance of normalcy or competency. This can be deeply problematic. Coping mechanisms and emotional "painkillers" might provide temporary relief but often prolong the underlying issues by allowing them to fester since they dull our important warning signs. For those trying to keep up appearances, the pressure to appear “together” and "normal" can exacerbate their distress, as the pressure boils beneath the surface, never getting addressed, acknowledged, or resolved, often leading to an inevitable breaking point.

A healthier approach is to instead acknowledge emotional discomfort for what it is - a signal that you’re out of homeostasis. Instead of viewing distress as a sign of failure or unavoidable anguish, it’s more helpful to see it as a "to-do list" of opportunities to address issues in your life. Recognizing and accepting your feelings allows you to take constructive steps towards a resolution. This might involve changing external circumstances or adjusting your internal responses to them.

Being aware of your emotions is a powerful tool for protecting your mental health. The more attuned you are to your feelings, the better equipped you are to respond to them proactively. This awareness allows you to identify early signs of distress and address them before they escalate. 

By connecting with your emotions, you gain the ability to address the core issues of emotional pain rather than merely treating symptoms, leading to more sustainable and meaningful improvements. 

Rediscovering Your Healthy Path
Ultimately, to be truly healthy, you must be in homeostasis – aligned with your “healthy path”. And the only way to truly be in homeostasis on your healthy path is to be as authentically yourself as possible.

Unfortunately, many people attempt to become something other than their true selves, contorting themselves to fit societal expectations or personal misconceptions due to their underlying trauma experiences that make them feel out of place and unworthy at their core.  

This deviation from authenticity is perhaps the most critical issue in overall health. When someone fights their natural configuration and strays far from their healthy path, they find themselves woefully out of homeostasis. This causes them to become blocked and leads them to a path of disease.

When this happens, our distress signals kick in, alerting us that we’re off track from our natural configuration. Ignoring these signals is like ignoring the warning lights on your car's dashboard; the problem doesn’t disappear just because you don’t look at the indicator. 

But when we tune into this emotional distress it gives us the opportunity to course correct. By listening to the warning signs, you can begin to acknowledge and uncover the areas of your life that need attention and realignment. This awareness offers you the opportunity to grow and improve. 

Emotional distress transforms from a senselessly negative experience into a helpful messaging system that highlights what needs to be addressed in both the body and mind. Viewing distress as feedback allows us to see it not as a hindrance but as an essential component of our well-being. It's an invitation to explore what is off-balance in our lives and take proactive steps towards change.

The best way to overcome emotional distress is to strive to be your authentic self, without contorting yourself into something you're not. Emotional distress is not an enemy to be feared but a guide to help you realign with your true nature and achieve optimal well-being. By connecting with your emotions and addressing the core issues of emotional discomfort, you can lead a more empowered and authentic life on the healthy path to becoming the true you.