Choosing The Best Life Possible
In these particularly unsettling times, many are struggling, emotionally and otherwise - much more so than usual.
With this in mind, I present here a simple, yet effective, strategy to aid in navigating this turbulence to have the best life possible in these or any other circumstances.
My profession involves helping my clients change triggered emotional responses developed due to their past trauma. This process improves their lives.
Their trauma histories vary widely - from mild to horrific.
Regardless of their backgrounds, I have come to understand that their answers to two questions primarily determine their results in our work together and in their lives overall.
The answers to these same two questions are also key to anyone having their best life possible.
The questions are :
(1) How consistently do I choose to confront reality?
(2) How consistently do I choose to be as positive as I can be in situations - no matter what the situation is?
The greater the person’s consistency in making both of these choices, the better their life will be, within the limits of their control.
The opposite is also true.
Given their significance, let us look at these two questions further.
The first deals with confronting reality.
The word “confront” has a Latin origin, meaning “to bring face to face.”
Reality is always right in front of us, staring straight at us. The choice to confront it or not is ours.
To have the best life possible, it is absolutely necessary to face reality.
If we do not face it, we cannot understand it. The better we understand reality, the greater our possibility of dealing with it effectively.
Reality may be unpleasant and we can choose to try to avoid it.
However, avoiding it does not make it disappear or become less unpleasant.
Whenever we try to avoid such a reality, we lose our opportunity to change it for our benefit.
And typically, the longer we try to avoid it, the more unpleasant it becomes and the more painful its eventual consequences.
Furthermore, our maneuvers to avoid it restrict us. If the reality we are trying to avoid does get worse, so do these restrictions.
So, the sooner we choose to confront it, the better.
Once we have chosen to confront reality, we then respond to it.
The second question addresses how we do this.
We ordinarily have more than one response option available in any situation and which one we choose is up to us.
To have our best possible outcome, we must choose the most positive way we can think of to deal with the situation being confronted.
This rule applies in every situation.
“Positive” is defined as “constructive, optimistic, and empowered.”
So, in every situation we must choose to be as constructive, optimistic, and empowered as we can possibly be.
Doing so involves activating our minds in that pursuit.
The cultivation of positivity is an art that can never be perfected, just endlessly improved upon. We can always be more positive.
It is not uncommon to find ourselves confronting an undesirable situation that we did not create.
We must still be as constructive, optimistic, and empowered as possible - irrespective of what happened and even though we did not cause the situation.
It is especially important to challenge ourselves to be optimally positive in these types of undesirable situations. If we choose more negatively in such cases, the outcomes can often be catastrophic.
And even if we do choose the most positive option that we can think of, we may not end up with the result we would like to have.
But we will get the best result that reality allows us at that time.
In every situation our primary focus must be on our response to it - asking ourselves, “Am I being as constructive, optimistic, and empowered as I can possibly be in this situation?”
If not, we must change our response and do our best to be as positive as possible.
And we must do so every day and in every situation.
People often say that they did the best that they could.
Few of us truly ever do the best that we can, and I doubt if any of us do so as consistently as we could.
Realistically, we just do what we do and usually we could do better - often much better.
To do better we have to actually choose to do so.
If we do not, we will automatically keep doing whatever it is that we have been doing and will continue to get the same results we have been getting.
For most of us, choosing to consistently confront reality and to be as positive as possible is not easy to do.
But it is a skill that can be learned and applied by any of us - if we choose to.
To have the best life possible, our top priority must be to fully invest our attention and effort into learning to be optimally consistent in making these two choices in every situation.
For an excellent quality of life to be achieved, possessing this skill is not optional - it is essential.
It is, in fact, just the basic starting point.
We must have a high level of consistency in making these two choices to have even a reasonable chance of good results within a universe where we have limited control.
So yes, life is challenging - often extremely challenging. That is how it is. That reality must be confronted and accepted.
There is a growing sense that our upcoming challenges in the months and years ahead will be greater than those we have been accustomed to in the past.
But no matter what is in store for us, life is also simply a series of situations.
By learning to consistently make these two choices - to confront reality and to be as positive as possible, in every situation - over the course of a lifetime, anyone can and will create their best life possible.
As things become more challenging, the value of choosing this strategy increases.
And there is no better time to start making these two choices than right now.
- Dr. Peter Hercules
