Step By Step

In 1986 my wife and I visited the Mayan ruins at Chichen Itza in Mexico. At that time it was a relatively underdeveloped tourist site.

We took a guided walking tour of the area and afterwards decided to climb the stairs to the top of the dominant structure there, a very famous pyramid known as the Temple of Kukulcan.

Its staircase has a steep incline of about forty-five degrees. The pitch of most residential staircases is about thirty-seven degrees - forty-five degrees is not allowed by building code.

We were told that in Mayan times many important activities took place at this pyramid, including human sacrifices. One of the more common ways that these sacrifices were performed was by pushing victims down that staircase to their death.

At the time of our visit, a chain was located along the side of the staircase for tourists to hold onto while climbing. However, today it is no longer permissible to use this staircase after a tourist fatally tumbled down it in 2006.

But twenty years before that, we decided to make our climb because it seemed fairly straightforward to us, especially if we held onto the chain. We did just that and completed it in a relatively short period of time.

And when I arrived at the top I felt perfectly fine.

But when I turned around and stared down the staircase, my emotional state immediately changed. I was overcome with panic. From that viewpoint, it looked to me like a sheer cliff, one that seemed impossible to descend.

I was so afraid that I gravitated to a semi-enclosed central area where I found an inner wall and placed both of my hands against it to connect with something stable and solid, as far away from the staircase as possible.

My wife, meanwhile, was busy enjoying the magnificent view and lost track of me after we made it to the top. But she eventually found me in my state of near-terror with my hands glued to that wall.

She, however, was perfectly at ease, having had experience in emergency rescue, including rappelling down the sides of buildings. I did not have such a background.

I told her that I absolutely could not go down the stairs and that a helicopter would have to come to get me. At first she thought I was joking but she quickly realized that my extreme fear was genuine.

She assessed the situation and, knowing that my helicopter plan was impractical there in the middle of the Yucatan jungle, came up with a better solution.

She took me by the hand and brought me to the edge of the staircase, told me to get down on my hands and knees facing away from the staircase, and instructed me to grab hold of the chain.

She then said to look downwards between my legs and to focus my attention on only the first step. She asked me if I thought I could put one foot on that first step and I replied that I could and I did. She then advised me to put my other foot on that same step as well and I once more followed her directions.

After I had successfully placed both feet on the first step she then again told me to look between my legs at the second step and to do what I had done with the first - which I did.

This strategy was repeated and I soon caught on. My fear gradually diminished as I realized that there was, after all, a way for me to get down. I began to descend more quickly, all the while holding onto the chain. Eventually I made it to the bottom.

Once there, I felt somewhat foolish about my reaction, as well as surprised that I had not come up with the fairly obvious descent plan myself. But in my state of heightened anxiety nothing came to mind - I had felt trapped. Fortunately, I was in the presence of someone who could calmly help me.

About ten years later we returned to Chichen Itza, this time with our two children. I confidently climbed to the top with them and when we made it there I looked down once again, but this time I was comfortable. I had already learned how to make a successful descent.

I told my children my embarrassing amusing story and ensured that we came down carefully, holding onto the chain. It was an enjoyable experience for all of us. What had once triggered great anxiety within me had become fun.

I have often reflected upon my Chichen Itza experience. On many subsequent occasions I have found myself facing what appeared at first glance to be insurmountable challenges.

I would then remind myself of what happened that day in Mexico.

My wife took a fearful me by the hand and showed me how, by literally taking one step at a time and focusing on just that next step while heading in the right direction, the seemingly impossible became doable and ultimately easy.

Applying this simple approach has consistently served me well to manage complex situations comfortably and effectively.

It has also had relevance in my work.

When I first meet my clients, they are typically in a state of distress.

They are stuck in uncomfortable emotional loops from which they perceive no escape.

Because of my extensive experience solving exactly this type of problem, I tell them that I can help them.

I explain that their discomfort is the result of having out-of-date triggered emotional responses developed due to their past trauma.

I reassure them that they can update these responses, step by step, using a reliable mental technique called Emotional Updating. I then lead them through that process.

After using Emotional Updating, the identical triggers subsequently turn on calm and empowered emotional responses within them.

What had once seemed overwhelming becomes manageable. Their distress disappears.

Their positive outcome is totally predictable, as predictable as my successful climb down the staircase at Chichen Itza.

As in my safe descent, to break free of their uncomfortable emotional loops they require reassurance and a straightforward and effective problem-solving strategy which they then need to apply on an ongoing basis until their goal is reached.

With repeated success using Emotional Updating™, they gain confidence in their ability to utilize this method to change any outdated emotional response they may have.

No longer doomed to be prisoners of their past, their lives open up and become increasingly enjoyable.

One step at a time.

- Dr. Peter Hercules