PATH TO EMOTIONAL FITNESS PART 3: Engagement: The Core of Vitality
Engaging with reality means being fully present and aware, actively participating in the world around us.
It involves recognizing and accepting the patterns, norms, changes, and challenges in our lives and adjusting our strategies accordingly. This is the next component essential to the adaptability at the core of emotional fitness.
To understand what we mean by engagement, let’s consider the wild fox: this small animal relies on hunting and foraging, staying acutely aware of its surroundings to find food, shelter, and mates while avoiding threats like predators, humans, and rival foxes. Despite occasional misfortunes, the fox's survival as a species depends on this constant vigilance, a trait true for all wild animals.
If humans were still the wild animals we evolved to be, constant engagement with our environment like this would be our norm. However, modern life has changed this. To understand why this matters, let's look at animals in captivity. A captive fox, protected from many wild dangers, might seem free to relax. Yet, this disengagement from its environment can be harmful. Should it ever re-encounter the wild, its lack of vigilance could be fatal. Additionally, even in captivity, a disengaged fox is unprepared for changes, which can have catastrophic consequences.
More critically, a disengaged fox is at risk of suffering from issues akin to human ailments: depression, anxiety, and phobias, resulting from the suppression of its natural instincts, among which includes its innate drive to be engaged with life and world around it. Some examples of the human-like damage to wellbeing that wild animals experience in captivity include Zoochosis, “a mental disorder that manifests in abnormal, and often unhealthy, physical behaviors. It is largely, though not necessarily exclusively, caused by psychological factors induced by physical captivity and sensory deprivation.”
This article describes various examples of the mental anguish in captive animals, including a sheep on Prozac to handle its anxiety, a leopard and gibbon with clinical depression, and a giraffe with phobias. These are uniquely non-wild animal experiences. As Irene Pepperberg, a comparative psychologist at Harvard known for her work with African gray parrots, explained, she thought one reason had to do with survival. “An animal in the wild can’t afford to be depressed,” Pepperberg said. “It will simply be killed or starve, since its environment requires constant vigilance.”
Now, unlike captive animals, humans have the ability to understand and analyze their situations, allowing us to choose our level of engagement. However, this freedom to disengage comes at a cost. Like zoo animals, we can survive without constant engagement, but this lack of engagement leaves us just as vulnerable to sudden changes and diminished mental and physical wellness due to disconnection from our natural state.
While many people can survive for extended periods in such a disengaged state, the inevitable challenges and negative consequences of this lifestyle eventually catch up, leading to significant problems. This is because everything in life is in a constant state of flux, which means we must always be prepared for the changes that continually impact us. Being stuck in this way means we we will encounter multifaceted challenges:
The World is Always Changing: The environment we live in is dynamic, continuously influenced by technological advancements, social transformations, and global events. These constant changes affect every aspect of life, requiring continual adaptation and awareness to navigate effectively.
We are Always Changing: Just as the world changes, so do individuals. As we age, our knowledge, capabilities, and circumstances evolve. This ongoing personal transformation means that what worked for us in the past may no longer be effective as we change.
Obsolescence Is The Norm: Reliance on past solutions for new problems is often ineffective. Each new situation often demands unique responses, making it necessary to adapt and find fresh approaches rather than depending on outdated methods.
Being Stuck in the Past Hinders Adapting to Change: Clinging to outdated beliefs, practices, and emotional responses can impede our ability to deal with the complexities of modern life. This disconnection from the present can make it evermore challenging to respond to new circumstances, leading to difficulties in navigating a world of constant change.
Whether we like it or not - and whether we face it or not - these are simply the facts of life. When individuals choose not to engage with their reality, they often adopt various strategies to cope with the resulting discomfort and uncertainty. These coping mechanisms, while offering temporary relief, ultimately lead to negative consequences. Here’s a closer look at what people typically do instead of dealing with reality:
Make Our World Smaller: One common strategy is to reduce the scope of our world, limiting our exposure to new experiences and challenges. This can manifest in several ways:
Avoidance: Individuals may avoid situations that push them out of their comfort zones. This could mean steering clear of social events, new job opportunities, or any situation that might induce stress or anxiety.
Isolation: By isolating themselves from others, individuals create a controlled environment where they feel safe. However, this isolation can lead to loneliness and a lack of meaningful connections.
Routine Rigidity: Sticking to a rigid routine minimizes unpredictability but also stifles growth. While routines provide a sense of control, they can prevent people from experiencing new and potentially enriching activities.
Distract or Numb Ourselves to the World Around Us: Another strategy is to distract or numb ourselves from the realities of life. This can involve:
Substance Use: Turning to alcohol, drugs, or other substances to dull emotional pain and avoid confronting difficult feelings. While these may offer temporary relief, they often lead to dependency and health issues.
Overconsumption: Engaging excessively in activities like eating, shopping, or gaming to distract from reality. This behavior can lead to physical health problems, financial issues, and further emotional distress.
Digital Escapism: Spending excessive time on social media, binge-watching shows, or engaging in online games to avoid dealing with real-life problems. This can result in a disconnection from the physical world and exacerbate feelings of isolation.
Justify and Become Defensive: When faced with uncomfortable truths or challenges, people may resort to justifying their behavior and becoming defensive:
Rationalization: Creating reasons to justify avoiding reality. This might include convincing oneself that avoiding a problem is actually a wise decision or that one’s current state is unchangeable.
Blaming Others: Shifting the responsibility for one's difficulties onto others. This can prevent individuals from taking accountability for their lives and hinder personal growth.
Defensiveness: Responding to perceived criticism or challenges with defensiveness rather than openness. This attitude can block constructive feedback and prevent individuals from learning and improving.
These coping mechanisms might provide short-term comfort, but they come with significant long-term consequences:
Stunted Personal Growth: By avoiding new experiences and challenges, individuals miss out on opportunities for growth and self-improvement. This leads to stagnation and a lack of fulfillment.
Increased Vulnerability: Without engaging with reality, individuals are unprepared for unexpected changes. This lack of preparedness can result in heightened stress and difficulty coping with life's inevitable challenges, and as already discussed, lack of competence to deal with life’s circumstances.
Emotional Distress: Avoidance, distraction, and defensiveness do not address the root causes of distress. Over time, this can lead to increased anxiety, depression, and other mental health issues.
Ultimately, if you don’t deal with reality, reality will have its way with you. Avoidance may offer temporary solace, but reality is relentless and unforgiving. And the more challenging the situations we face, the more critical it becomes to confront reality head-on. So if you’re not confronting reality, you’re giving up all your power to influence the situations you encounter to your benefit. And in all likelihood, the outcome will be much worse than if you were engaged and aware.
When we ignore or avoid dealing with reality, we create a backlog of unresolved issues that will eventually demand our attention. These neglected problems don't disappear; they accumulate and grow more complex over time. Dealing with challenges as they arise allows for more manageable solutions. Early intervention often means the difference between a minor adjustment and a major overhaul. Whether it's financial troubles, health concerns, or relationship issues, failing to address them early will often lead to crises that are far more difficult to manage. Challenging situations, when left unaddressed, tend to escalate. A minor health issue ignored today could become a serious medical condition tomorrow. Financial irresponsibility might lead to debt and bankruptcy. Small misunderstandings in relationships can grow into significant conflicts and estrangements.
The consequences of not confronting these realities can be severe and life-altering. Avoidance can lead to a cycle of increased anxiety and stress as unresolved issues pile up. The mental and emotional toll can be overwhelming, leading to a sense of being trapped or powerless. Moreover, the longer we delay confronting reality, the fewer options and resources we have at our disposal when we finally must face it.
Reality, no matter how harsh, is also a teacher. It provides us with invaluable lessons about our strengths, weaknesses, and areas for growth. By engaging with reality, we gain insights and experiences that shape us into more capable and resilient individuals.
Facing reality is not just about surviving—it’s about thriving. By confronting reality head-on, especially in challenging situations, we take control of our lives and build the awareness needed to navigate the complexities of modern life. Avoidance may offer a temporary escape, but ultimately, reality will demand to be dealt with. The sooner we engage with it, the better equipped we are to handle whatever comes our way.
