What is Emotional Fitness Part 4: Adaptability

Imagine being 16 again. At that age, life is reactive. You feel everything intensely. You form strong opinions, certain you see the world clearly. You navigate relationships based on impulse—excited one moment, devastated the next. You believe your energy is unlimited, that the future is far away, that life will always feel the way it does right now. 

Now imagine someone in their 40s, still approaching life the same way. They react to challenges with the same emotional impulsivity they had as a teenager. They expect relationships to function as they did when they were young—effortless, self-serving, easy to abandon when inconvenient. They resist taking on more responsibility, insisting that life should remain as simple as it once was. But it doesn’t. It can’t.

Because we do change. Whether we acknowledge it or not, our bodies, minds, and circumstances evolve. We can’t recover from stress or exhaustion the way we once did. We don’t have the luxury of acting without consequence. Our relationships require more from us. We accumulate experiences that should give us more perspective, more patience, and a broader understanding of the world. 

But when someone refuses to adapt, they don’t just stagnate—they start working against the natural flow of their own life. This isn’t about keeping up with the world. It’s about keeping up with yourself.

A person who refuses to adapt isn’t preserving who they were—they’re trapping themselves in a version of life that no longer fits. The result? Frustration. Discomfort. A lingering sense that something isn’t working, even if they can’t pinpoint what. Life feels harder, not because the world is unfair, but because they’re applying old strategies to new realities.

When you don’t adapt, life doesn’t stay comfortable—it becomes increasingly uncomfortable. You aren’t standing still. You’re slowly losing the ability to engage with your own reality.

Adapting doesn’t mean surrendering to external pressures. It means respecting the person you are right now—not clinging to who you used to be. It means acknowledging that what worked at 20 won’t necessarily work at 40, and that’s not a bad thing. It’s an opportunity.

Adaptability isn’t just about survival—it’s also about quality of life. It’s about making sure that as you change, your habits, mindset, and approach to life change with you. It’s about honoring the fact that growing older should mean growing wiser, more capable, and more attuned to what actually serves you.

The world will keep evolving, but more importantly, you will keep evolving. The only question is whether you will evolve with yourself—or fight against the very changes that are meant to help you move forward.

Adaptation as a Survival Mechanism
From the beginning of life on Earth, adaptability has been the single most important trait for survival. Species that could not adjust to changing environments—whether due to shifts in climate, competition for resources, or new predators—did not last. Evolution is, at its core, a process of adaptation. Organisms that developed new strategies, behaviors, or physiological changes to cope with challenges passed their genes forward. Those that didn’t, disappeared.

This principle applies to everything from bacteria to human beings. Early humans who adapted to new hunting techniques, learned to cultivate crops, or built shelters to withstand changing weather conditions were the ones who thrived. Over thousands of years, we’ve succeeded as a species precisely because we were able to change—not just biologically, but behaviorally.

But adaptation isn’t just something that happens on a species-wide level. It happens in real time, within every individual. And just as evolution has favored adaptable species, life favors adaptable people.

Now some might look at human history and conclude that, at a fundamental level, life doesn’t really change. People are still people. They still fall in love, experience loss, seek meaning in their work, and navigate the complexities of relationships. The human condition remains largely the same, which is why ancient philosophy, classic literature, and traditional wisdom continue to resonate across generations.

Because of this, some people argue that change is overstated—that the way we live now isn’t so different from how our parents or grandparents lived. After all, isn’t life still about the same core experiences? Don’t people still strive for happiness, security, and connection?

This perspective makes sense on the surface. But it misses a crucial distinction: while human nature remains stable, the context in which we live is constantly evolving. And failing to adapt to these external shifts has real consequences.

Human beings, as biological organisms, have not changed dramatically in thousands of years. A person born today is not inherently different from someone born in ancient Greece or medieval Japan. We have the same emotional needs, cognitive capacities, and physical limitations. But the world we navigate today is radically different from the worlds those people lived in.

Consider communication. For most of human history, if you wanted to send a message to someone in another town, it required a letter carried by horseback. Today, a text message can reach someone across the world in seconds. Relationships, businesses, and entire societies function differently because of this.

Change isn’t about reinventing the human experience—it’s about recognizing that the way we engage with that experience is always evolving. Some changes are gradual, like the slow accumulation of life experience that teaches you how to navigate relationships or manage stress. Others happen suddenly—losing a job, facing a health crisis, or experiencing an unexpected life transition. The people who navigate these shifts most successfully are those who learn to adapt, to take in new information, and to adjust their approach when needed.

A person who never learns to manage stress in their younger years will struggle as life inevitably becomes more complex. Someone who refuses to update their understanding of relationships will find themselves isolated as friendships, family dynamics, and romantic partnerships evolve. A person who resists adjusting their habits to accommodate their changing health will pay the price in physical well-being.

In biology, “fitness” refers to an organism’s ability to survive and reproduce in its environment. But in a broader sense, fitness applies to the quality of life itself. A person who is “fit” for their reality is not just surviving—they are well adapted to their experiences.

Someone who embraces adaptability finds that life, even with its inevitable difficulties, feels navigable. They develop resilience, learning how to adjust rather than collapse in the face of setbacks. They maintain relationships because they recognize that people change and growth is necessary for connection. They stay engaged in the world because they understand that learning never stops.

Adaptability is not just about survival in a primal sense. It is about creating a life that is full, dynamic, and meaningful. The people who thrive—who feel connected, capable, and engaged—are not the ones who stubbornly hold on to how things used to be. They are the ones who learn to work with change rather than against it.

Adapting Requires Accepting When We Need To Change
One of the hardest things about change isn’t the uncertainty or discomfort—it’s the realization that we might have been wrong. That a belief we held, a way of doing things, or a version of ourselves we once trusted isn’t as reliable as we thought. And that can be a tough thing to admit

People can struggle with admitting past mistakes because it feels like an attack on their identity. If we built our worldview around certain ideas, it’s unsettling to acknowledge that those ideas may no longer hold up. If we’ve relied on a particular way of handling relationships, work, or challenges, it’s destabilizing to realize that it’s not working anymore. And when faced with that moment—the choice to update our thinking or double down on old habits—many people resist. Not because they don’t see the change happening, but because accepting it requires them to admit they need to grow.

But here’s the thing: growth is not an admission of failure. It’s a sign that we are paying attention.

Part of the resistance comes from our tendency to stick to old habits. Once we’ve formed an opinion or learned a pattern of behavior, our brains like to keep using it. It’s efficient, predictable, and safe. Changing course requires energy and vulnerability. It means letting go of certainty, stepping into the unknown, and sometimes acknowledging that we caused harm—to ourselves or others—by holding onto outdated beliefs or behaviors for too long.

Modern culture doesn’t make this any easier. We live in a time where being "wrong" is often treated as a weakness rather than a sign of growth. Public discourse pushes people toward rigid certainty, punishing those who change their minds or update their perspectives. If admitting we were wrong means risking criticism, ridicule, or rejection, it's no wonder so many people dig in their heels.

But refusing to evolve doesn’t keep us safe, it keeps us stuck.

If we want to navigate change with less resistance, we need a different way of thinking about what it means to be “right.” Science offers a useful model: in the scientific process, being wrong isn’t failure—it’s expected. A hypothesis is tested, evidence is gathered, conclusions are revised, and over time, understanding improves. No good scientist clings to disproven theories out of pride; they adjust based on new information. That’s what progress looks like.

Yet, in our personal lives, we often resist applying the same logic. We hold onto old habits because they once worked, even when they no longer do. We continue arguing positions we no longer fully believe in because we’re afraid of looking inconsistent. We stay in situations that aren’t good for us because we’ve adapted to them, and the thought of starting over feels overwhelming.

Human beings are, by nature, incredibly adaptable—but that adaptability is a double-edged sword. We can adjust to new, better ways of thinking, but we can also get stuck in patterns that limit us. If we’ve been rigid for a long time, we might not even realize how much unnecessary hardship we’ve been enduring just to avoid change.

At the root of all of this is the way we see ourselves. A person who believes they are strong enough to handle change will adapt naturally. They’ll update their thinking, shift their habits, and let go of what no longer serves them. But someone who ties their self-worth to always being right, always being in control, or always doing things “the way they’ve always done them” will struggle.

The reality is, our identity is fluid. Who we were ten years ago is not who we are today. And that’s a good thing. But if we don’t actively participate in our own evolution, we risk being shaped by outdated versions of ourselves—ones that no longer fit the life we are actually living.

The good news? None of this is permanent. We can build self-trust. We can shift our perspective from seeing change as a threat to seeing it as a sign of wisdom. We can learn to recognize that admitting we were wrong isn’t a failure—it’s the strongest thing we can do.

True adaptability isn’t about never making mistakes. It’s about recognizing when we’re holding onto them too tightly—and having the courage to finally let them go.

The Role of Self-Worth and Internal Resistance
At the heart of adaptability is a deep question: Do I trust myself to handle change? People with a strong sense of self-worth tend to answer that question with confidence. They believe in their ability to learn, to adjust, to figure things out as they go. Even when change is difficult, they trust themselves to navigate it. But for those with low self-worth, change feels like a threat.

If you don’t feel fundamentally secure in who you are, then any shift in expectations, circumstances, or responsibilities can feel destabilizing. Instead of seeing change as a challenge to rise to, it feels like an attack on your ability to function.

This is why some people resist change so fiercely—not because they truly believe the world should never evolve, but because deep down, they don’t believe they are capable of evolving with it. Their resistance is a form of self-protection, an attempt to maintain control in a world that feels uncertain.

The irony, of course, is that resisting change doesn’t create stability—it creates more instability. The world will continue changing, whether we participate in that change or not. And the more we resist, the more we struggle.

A major reason people resist change is that it often involves risk—risk of embarrassment, risk of failure, and, perhaps most deeply, risk of rejection.

For many, adaptability means stepping into the unknown, trying new things, or engaging with unfamiliar ideas. But what if they get it wrong? What if they look foolish? What if others disapprove? The fear of being judged, criticized, or excluded keeps people locked in the familiar, even when the familiar no longer serves them.

Adaptability requires a willingness to risk discomfort in relationships, to engage in new perspectives, and to be open to feedback. If fear of rejection stops us from doing that, we aren’t protecting ourselves—we’re limiting ourselves.

Some people might resist adaptability not by outright rejecting change, but by insisting that they must be fully prepared before engaging with it. They tell themselves:

• “I’ll speak up once I know exactly what to say.”

• “I’ll start that new habit once I have the perfect plan.”

• “I’ll take that opportunity when I’m 100% sure I won’t fail.”

This is the trap of perfectionism—the belief that anything less than flawless execution is unacceptable. It often manifests as procrastination, where someone avoids taking action because they feel they aren’t “ready” yet. But the reality is, no one can ever be truly ready for everything. Growth happens in real time, through experience, not by waiting until all the variables feel certain. The most adaptable people aren’t the ones who never make mistakes. If you’re always waiting for the perfect conditions to begin, you’ll spend your life waiting instead of growing.

Adaptability isn’t about proving anything to the world. It’s about developing the ability to move through life’s changes without being paralyzed by perfectionism or what other people might think.

External adaptability—adjusting to new jobs, relationships, or responsibilities—is impossible without internal adaptability. If someone is mentally locked in stress, anxiety, or rigid thinking, they will struggle to engage with change in a meaningful way.

The most adaptable people have a flexible internal framework. They don’t assume that discomfort means they are failing. They don’t take change as a personal attack. Instead, they see it as part of life’s process, something to be worked with, not against.

The Consequences of a Lack of Adaptability
For those who have built adaptability into their mindset, change—while still difficult—feels manageable. They may struggle at first, but they adjust, finding new ways to move forward. For those who resist change, however, the experience is often overwhelming. When life demands adaptation from someone who hasn’t developed that skill, the result is panic, confusion, and sometimes, total collapse.

Many people assume they don’t need to change because things are “working fine” the way they are. They rely on familiar routines, predictable patterns, and long-held assumptions about how life should be. The irony is that, in trying to avoid the discomfort of change, people often make things harder for themselves. The longer we resist developing new skills, perspectives, or habits, the more difficult it becomes when we no longer have a choice. And at some point, we will no longer have a choice.

Often, people only realize their lack of adaptability when they are forced into a crisis they can’t escape. When life is running smoothly, it’s easy to assume that adaptability is unnecessary—that things will always work the way they have. But when reality shifts, that illusion disappears.

These moments can be deeply painful, but they also present a turning point. A person faced with sudden change has two options:

Resist and let the crisis consume them. This means digging in, blaming others, refusing to engage with reality, and continuing to operate as if nothing has changed—even when it clearly has. They refuse to adjust their expectations, hold on to resentment, and reject any possibility of growth. Instead of finding ways to move forward, they double down on frustration, anger, or blame. They see change as something that is happening to them rather than something they can engage with—and in doing so, they make their circumstances even harder. Some resist so fiercely that they self-destruct in the process.

Acknowledge reality and shift accordingly. This means recognizing that the old way of doing things is no longer working and having the courage to explore a different approach. They recognize that while they may not have control over what has changed, they do have control over how they respond. They allow themselves to grieve what’s been lost, but they also make room for what’s next. They ask themselves, What do I need to learn? What needs to shift? How can I move forward?

This choice between resisting change to the point of collapse or engaging with it as an opportunity for growth is one we all face at some point. Change will come, whether we are ready for it or not. The question is: when that moment arrives, will we be prepared to evolve?

Those who cultivate adaptability before they need it will find that, while change is never easy, it doesn’t have to break them. Those who refuse to adapt may find themselves at a breaking point with no clear way forward. Life will keep moving. Whether we move with it is up to us.

The Choice to Grow or Stay Stuck
Adaptability isn’t just about responding to change—it’s about actively seeking growth. Life is never static, and neither are we. Every experience, challenge, and shift in circumstances offers an opportunity to refine our approach, update our thinking, and evolve into a more capable version of ourselves.

The people who thrive aren’t the ones who have everything figured out from the start—they’re the ones who remain open to learning, adjusting, and improving as they go.

Resisting change doesn’t preserve stability; it erodes it. The world will move forward, whether we engage with it or not. The longer we cling to outdated ways of thinking, the harder life becomes. But when we embrace adaptability, we don’t just survive change, we use it to build a richer, more fulfilling life.

Growth isn’t a one-time decision; it’s an ongoing commitment. The question isn’t if we will change, but how we will shape that change. Will we resist it until we break, or will we learn to work with it, using every shift as an opportunity to become stronger, wiser, and more capable? The choice, as always, is ours.